I always thought I was a little crazy...

Sharing feelings and emotions has never been something I've been comfortable with. Especially if the emotion is pain. Funny thing is, I'm usually the cause of my own pain. According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well by this definition I must be insane. I keep following my heart when it's steered me wrong so many times before. I ended last year with a new attitude. I was going to open myself up to the idea of love. I think I even blogged about it. I didn't want to be a bitter woman who'd closed herself off just because she'd been hurt before. There was still a part of me that would scream and fight to get me to protect myself. "Don't do it, you'll only get hurt." But how can you love, or be loved, if you don't take a chance? That voice got quieter and quieter as time went on. Right about now it's saying "I told you so". I've never been able to gamble with my money, so why do I keep gambling with my heart? I'd hate to go back to being that cold hearted woman. I made so much progress, or at least I thought I did. So what now? I don't know. I like to make jokes about drowning my sorrows in a bottle of vodka, but thanks to Lent I've got a good two weeks before I can do that. I pray I make it...

The Conversation

This morning I realized it's March already and I don't think I've read one book this year (well maybe ONE), but how unusual is it that my favorite past time has suddenly become something I don't have time for. With this in mind I paid a visit to the world wide web for new book suggestions. I came across reviews of Hill Harper's The Conversation. Not many people know this, but Hill Harper just might be my dream man. Not only is he handsome, he's educated. Everyone who knows me is aware of my weakness for an intelligent, well-read, educated black man.

**deep dreamy sigh**

That's not what this blog is about though. I'm pretty excited about reading The Conversation. Like me, Hill believes the art of communication has long been lost among black men and women. When attempting to form a romantic relationship we tend to only engage in superficial conversations. "Where are you from? What do you do for a living? What do you like to do for fun?" Sure this is perfectly fine initially. But after a certain point (when you decide you like said person and want to get to know them), we should be doing more communicating than playing 21 questions.

In my opinion, lack of communication and trust are the two reasons most relationships fail. I've always been a talker. If something has been done to hurt or upset me, you will know about it. I'll want to address the situation and clear the air so there will be no resentment later. Conversely, I'd like to be told when I hurt someone. There's nothing worse than getting the cold shoulder and not having any idea why. Leaving things unresolved has never been something I do. However when you're faced with men(not all) who completely shut down or get defensive any time you try to talk to them, you learn to stop talking to them. Can't wait to read Hill's thoughts on the subject. No worries I'll be sure to blog after reading.