Yup, I'm a Crab

I've never really been one of those people to set much store by a zodiac sign. It used to bug me if the question after "what's your name?" is "what's your sign?". Really? I am not my astrological sign. Recently I've been doing some....soul searching I guess you could call it and learning a lot about myself. While looking at the personality traits of a Cancer I see that everything ever written about the Cancer woman is me. Seriously. Every. Single. Thing. This part really stood out to me though.

You are extremely receptive to your environment and the people around you,
and will often ‘pick up’ people’s energies, moods and thoughts. This ability serves you well; your intuition about people is quite often correct. Your knack of knowing people’s issues before they even open their mouths attracts them to you. The difficulty with this, though, is that you can tend to absorb their emotions — negative as well as positive. The emblem for Cancer is the Crab, a creature with a very hard shell which protects a soft interior. The crab walks sideways, which is how the Cancerian skirts around a problem until forced to take it on with gritty determination and a creative flair.

The part about being very intuitive is definitely true. But the hard shell and soft interior? That's not me AT ALL(sarcasm at it's best). This might be the best way to describe me! It usually takes a very long time for me to let people in. I'm not even sure if they realize this because to them they think they've already made it. There are a lot of layers to me and only when they see the depth of my personality and emotions do they understand that all this time they've been getting the shell. I feel like I have to do this because underneath this hard exterior is a sensitivity not a lot of people understand. Absorbing other's emotions is a great way to put it. When the people I love are happy, I'm generally happy right along with them. However when they hurt, I truly hurt. Sometimes I hate that I'm so sensitive. I think I'd rather be hard inside and out, but that's just not me. Another thing about Cancers is that we're loyal. Once you make it in my heart, you're in. The flip side to this is that I don't always let go once a relationship has passed it's expiration date. Reading all this is helping me in my quest to find out more about myself. The more I learn, the more I like me :)

The Gray Area

I can remember saying to my boyfriend, "Everything is so black or white with you. It's either your way or my way. There's never any compromise. How about we meet in the middle? A little gray never hurt anyone." That was my first serious relationship. I was such a naive thing (I blame Disney but that's another blog). Now that I'm a little older and way more experienced I realize GRAY SUCKS. Well...at least I think it does. I've never really been able to handle gray areas well because I don't know what's expected of me. I'm always either hurting someone's feelings, sticking my foot in my mouth, or getting pissed off because I just don't know what the hell is going on.

In dating and relationships, this is how it goes. You meet a guy. You start talking. If you like him, you keep talking. There's dates, maybe some sex, deep conversations, etc. You're dating but not in a relationship yet. This is what I call a gray area. We haven't really had that "exclusive" convo yet *shudders*, but I'm not sure how I'd feel if I saw you out with another girl either. For most women, this is the time they pull out the "what are we" talk because they're interested in becoming something more. This isn't me. If I ever start the "what are we" conversation it's because I'm confused and I want to make sure it's cool for me to talk to/date/sleep with someone else. In any case, this is always where I mess up. The last time I experienced a gray area, the guy said we were just "dating" and not in a relationship. To me, "just dating" is something I can do with more than one somebody. I say, "So.....we can see other people right?" I mean I just wanted to be clear! Wrong thing to say. This is probably a bad example considering the fact that the man was an idiot, but anyway you get my drift. Some people's gray is a little different than others.

In friendships, especially those controversial male/female friendships, it starts the same way. You meet, you talk, you hang, you have fun. But if you're a girl, there will be a point where you ask yourself "Is he trying to get in my pants, or does he REALLY just want to be my friend?" If you're just my friend, you can listen to me talk about random boo's or scum. If you're just my friend I can tell you I think your brother is fine without you getting pissed off. Messed up here too. Damn, my bad homie! Thought we were just friends! On the flip side, you keep saying you don't wanna get in my pants but uh...all you want to talk about is sex. Not just sex, but sex with me...what's up with that?

I hate gray areas. I'm all about black/white. We're either together, or we're not. We're either strictly friends or you're trying to get in my pants. This is something I will have to work on because half the time I'm forcing people into my own gray areas because I have no earthly idea what I want. I've never been good at just "going with the flow". I hate when people say that shit. It's not something I'm good at. I'm impulsive and impatient and if I see something I want then dammit I go after it. Again, something I'll have to work on. So it's time to sit back, relax, and try my best to just "go with the flow".....without hurting anyone's feelings. **fingers crossed**

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

In all honesty I can't even remember why this has been so heavy on my mind today...blame the tangled mass of random thoughts that is my brain. While chatting with the girls today, I posed a question. Can women and men be friends?

Before I go any further, allow me to clarify. By friends I mean STRICTLY friends.

Not friends w/benefits. (Ya'll know what this means)

My girls, being the hilarious and brilliant women they are, gave me great answers. Karly* a 29yr old single woman initially said it can work as long as no one crosses the "friend" line, but "if he's fine I am probably gonna kiss him at least once, or give him a massage...something. So I guess you can...as long as he's not fine." Sahara*, a 26yr old woman in a relationship says "If we both decide that friendship is as far as it goes and we understand why, then two mature people should be able to be just friends...sad to say I ain't one of those people." Most of the responses I received on FB and Twitter were "hell no's", with only two people who think it's possible as long as both parties exercise will power. My answer? In a word, yes, men and women can be friends.

But as I type this I hear Karly's voice....."as long as he's not fine." Hmm, what if he is fine? Would attraction change things? I think of all my male friends and guess what...not physically attracted to any of them. The only one I've been attracted to is no longer of the platonic variety. It's hard to imagine myself being friends with a 6ft tall, intelligent lite brite who enjoys my company and NOT jumping his bones....but maybe that's the Samantha in me. Sahara made a good point when she says "If he is worthy of a real friendship, then he must at least be an alright guy." and isn't friendship the foundation of a good relationship?

Am I saying that it's impossible to be friends with someone you're attracted to? No, it's definitely possible and can be a great experience but it can be difficult until you fall into the easy pattern of true friendship. My friend Kee says, "It is possible to admire someone and find them attractive and not want them. I think it depends on the strengths of the parties involved." I agree with her. Will power and respect for your friendship are ultimately the deciding factors on whether or not you can be friends with someone who just so happens to be hott as a marathon runner's jockstrap.

*Names have been changed to protect my retarded friends' identity.