A Change in the Wind

Today has been a really long day. Monday's at DHS usually are. I'm thinking I need a healthier way to relieve my stress. I've decided that wine just has too many calories and I really don't want to be dependent on alcohol to calm my nerves. I refuse to turn to weed. I just don't feel right about it for some reason. Maybe if I wasn't a mother....but that's not healthy either. Sex, while a great stress reliever, causes too much drama which in turn, induces more stress. I've settled on working out. At least, I'm going to try. However even as I write this I have a martini on the desk. I'll start tomorrow.

With the new year rapidly approaching, it seems as though everyone is thinking of resolutions. Some are giving up drinking, some cursing, some sex. Over the course of the last few months, I've been feeling a bit....lost. I can't really explain it, I feel happy every day. It's just sometimes I don't think I'm sure of who I am. Is that weird to say at 27? I thought by now I'd know exactly what I wanted to be and who I am. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Things I know for sure:

1. I'm not using the "n-word" in 2010.
2. I'm leaving all scummies in 2009
3. I will take better care of myself and be healthy

I honestly can't remember how long I've been using the n-word. It never really bothered me until recently I realized exactly how much I say it. The n-word will no longer be a part of my vocabulary. Not even really sure when I decided to stop saying it. I've recently moved to saying "n-word" instead of "nigga", but I'm planning to cut it out completely. Older people do not call each other "nigga", and it's for a reason. The memories they have of that word are far from pleasant.

Ah scummy. See, the thing about scummies, is that you don't really have to put forth any effort with them. There is no chance of being with a scummy because for 1, scummies are no good. They're usually cute and good in bed, so we keep them around for rainy days. With scummies there is no possibility of getting hurt. And all of this I plan to leave in 2009. Starting this next decade with an empty roster. And I will not recruit any new scummies. Looks like I've had enough. It just might be time to go back to the old me. But the question remains: When a good girl goes bad, is she truly gone forever?

Diabetes, Cancer, Heart Disease, High Blood Pressure. These are all diseases the people in my family have or have had. As African Americans we are at a higher risk for these diseases in general, and with the family history....let's just say I'm screwed. God gave me this life, it's my responsibility to make sure I do everything in my power to keep this gift. This means eating healthier, working out, and getting regular check-ups. I usually hate going to the doctor(get that from my mother), but I have a 4 year old to think about. I want to be able to spend as many years with her as I possibly can.

Welp, that's all for tonight. Need to get rested for another DHS day tomorrow.

"Laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live."