The Gray Area

I can remember saying to my boyfriend, "Everything is so black or white with you. It's either your way or my way. There's never any compromise. How about we meet in the middle? A little gray never hurt anyone." That was my first serious relationship. I was such a naive thing (I blame Disney but that's another blog). Now that I'm a little older and way more experienced I realize GRAY SUCKS. Well...at least I think it does. I've never really been able to handle gray areas well because I don't know what's expected of me. I'm always either hurting someone's feelings, sticking my foot in my mouth, or getting pissed off because I just don't know what the hell is going on.

In dating and relationships, this is how it goes. You meet a guy. You start talking. If you like him, you keep talking. There's dates, maybe some sex, deep conversations, etc. You're dating but not in a relationship yet. This is what I call a gray area. We haven't really had that "exclusive" convo yet *shudders*, but I'm not sure how I'd feel if I saw you out with another girl either. For most women, this is the time they pull out the "what are we" talk because they're interested in becoming something more. This isn't me. If I ever start the "what are we" conversation it's because I'm confused and I want to make sure it's cool for me to talk to/date/sleep with someone else. In any case, this is always where I mess up. The last time I experienced a gray area, the guy said we were just "dating" and not in a relationship. To me, "just dating" is something I can do with more than one somebody. I say, "So.....we can see other people right?" I mean I just wanted to be clear! Wrong thing to say. This is probably a bad example considering the fact that the man was an idiot, but anyway you get my drift. Some people's gray is a little different than others.

In friendships, especially those controversial male/female friendships, it starts the same way. You meet, you talk, you hang, you have fun. But if you're a girl, there will be a point where you ask yourself "Is he trying to get in my pants, or does he REALLY just want to be my friend?" If you're just my friend, you can listen to me talk about random boo's or scum. If you're just my friend I can tell you I think your brother is fine without you getting pissed off. Messed up here too. Damn, my bad homie! Thought we were just friends! On the flip side, you keep saying you don't wanna get in my pants but uh...all you want to talk about is sex. Not just sex, but sex with me...what's up with that?

I hate gray areas. I'm all about black/white. We're either together, or we're not. We're either strictly friends or you're trying to get in my pants. This is something I will have to work on because half the time I'm forcing people into my own gray areas because I have no earthly idea what I want. I've never been good at just "going with the flow". I hate when people say that shit. It's not something I'm good at. I'm impulsive and impatient and if I see something I want then dammit I go after it. Again, something I'll have to work on. So it's time to sit back, relax, and try my best to just "go with the flow".....without hurting anyone's feelings. **fingers crossed**